Well off the Tourist Map

Well.... Over the last month I have managed to: Hitch, bus, walk and float well over 4000km while along the way experiencing some crazy shit, including, a jovial meeting with a friendly wild, killer Jaguar, talking revolution with a protestant coca chewing Bolivian, eating a turtle egg, and being dripped on by fish juice for 16hours not to mention many other things which will largely remain undisclosed.

It all started in a very civilised part of Bolivia with the formulation of a plan whilst over a beer or two with a mad English chap by the name of Ross. The mission, to brave new lands and find our way into some of Bolivia's most remote spots. Our first goal was to reach the very isolated National Park, Noel Kempff, which according to our information received from the tourist office is only accessibly via modes of transport well out of the reach of our tight fisted budgets. We decided that surely this was rubbish and so set off via bus to what was a marked town on a map near our destination with plans to hitch from there to a community at the entry of the park. Well...... the marked town turned out to be a house (and not a very big one at that) which was used by the local amazon forestry teams. Unfortunately for us the traffic density in that part of the world is rather low. Two days latter, a sleep on the side of the road and a growing dislike for heat (an easy 40 degrees) and insects, we found a ride on the back of a Ute with some forestry workers (some being 14 in total) into a community by the name of La Florida. A few days of organisation with the lovely but overly related locals and we were off into the park for 5 days. We managed to fit in over 100km of walking, more insect bites and stings than I could count and some of the most staggering scenery and wildlife I have seen.

Highlights my little wilderness adventure:

• Seeing the sights (Jungle, Savannah and Big cliffs) and animals (monkeys (see also lowlights), a Jaguar, a Savannah fox, a monkey eating bird (feeking massive) and lots of big parrots).
• Hearing Ross exclaim while taking a pee "you cheeky bastard, there is a fecking tick feasting on my todger!"
• Killing insects (I am currently planning genocide!)
• Swimming in a local river and having small fish nibble / clean my feet (poor little buggers)
• Hearing the Jungle at night
• Dreaming about taking the person who claimed my insect repellent "wards off all biting insects" and leaving them in the jungle naked with nothing but a can of repellent.
• Getting out and having a beer with the locals!

Lowlights

• Insects (including itching bits like I have never know and a nasty bite of some kind)
• Monkeys throwing sticks at us
• Walking through a termite Savannah at mid day (40 - 50 degrees for Pete's sake!!!)
• Taking a jungle poo (warding off insects and worrying about large birds above you who maybe thinking of doing the same as you while concentrating on the job at hand is no easy task). Baring the distractions this could have easily been a highlight.
• Ross asking if he can borrow a pair of undies, and me reluctantly agreeing.
  

After our little foray into the Jungle and celebratory drink, it was time to get out and begin phase two of our operation, so, we waved goodbye to the town where teeth and the unrelated are a rare commodity. Getting out however turned out to be just as difficult as getting in. We picked up a ride easy enough back to the "town" / house where we had spent a few miserable days previously and were none to happy to return (I did try to sell Ross to a Truckee for a ride out but his large, white English physic just wasn't up to scratch)! After what seemed an eternity of being preached to by a deranged Protestant Bolivian about the evils of the Roman Catholic Church a ride finally came past. The ride I speak of was a section of the isle on an extremely run down small Bus which was being used to transport a combination of people and fish to the next major town. 16 Hours of sitting on my pack in a very narrow isle with fish juice from the cargo above dripping on me through the broken roof and we pulled into the city of Santa Cruz for a day of refreshment (much needed after spending 2 weeks without a shower combined with a coating of fish juice... mingin). After our day of cleaning we headed off to a port town to find a ride on a cargo ship up one of the Amazonian tributaries to the Brazilian boarder. We managed to find a fine vessel willing to take on board a pair of whities. Over the following 8 days we spent our time lazying in hammocks (aka our beds), having family time with the crew or well not much else really, apart from the odd adventure into very isolated towns which we pulled up to (I did feel some what the celebrity when pulling into a town that hasn't seen "gringos" before although the hysterical laughter my Spanish accent drew - I'm sure it wasn't that funny). During our eight days we learnt some very valuable lessons:

1. Ask before you eat, it may be a turtle egg!
2. River dolphins are everywhere
3. Catfish head stew and rice is not the most appetising breakfast (yes I did finish it)
4. The combination of Mosquito net and hammock makes for a crap night sleep
5. 8 days is long enough on a boat floating up the amazon
   

After a few days hanging around the boarder towns we decided a month was long enough to have not see another westerner, so we headed our way down to a town called Rurrenabaque, which is a big draw card for tourists due to the wild life viewing. With another shock to the system we jumped back into the drunken trail known as the gringo trail, where life is easy, people speak slowly and clearly and things don't smell like fish. I will use this time to plan the next of my stupidly crazy but stupendous adventures.

On an administrative front. For those of you who are wondering why I haven't started work yet, well ah, funnily enough, travelling has turned out to be rather enjoyable, and so I have decided to extend my trip a little / till January and head up as far as Columbia and possibly Cuba. The second point of note is the new and improved (you know you love the beard girls) hair style. I would like to dedicate this to Aido, Kyle and Pim who have always stood by my desire to fit in with the homeless.